Kimi to Boku wa Todokanai Omoi
by aoi-yuuhi
Summary: It’s been a year since the war ended, he returned to ORB to talk with her. What will she say? AsuCaga.
1. Kimi to Boku

**Kimi to Boku wa Todokanai Omoi **

(You and I, Unfulfilled Feelings)

Firstly, Gundam Seed and Gundam Seed Destiny and also the characters are absolutely not mine. I'm just a fan who happened to have a big expectation in AsuCaga relationship. And also, the title was taken from Mobile Suit Gundam SEED Destiny Original Soundtrack III, arranged and composed By: Toshihiko Sahashi. It's the piano version of See-Saw's 'Kimi wa boku ni niteiru'

Second, I just want to tell all of the readers that English isn't a language I mastered so there will be a lot of grammar mistakes and etc. I apologize sincerely for this.

And last but not least, enjoy the** First part of the story**!

Chapter 1

**Kimi to Boku**

(You and I)

Cagalli Yula Attha, the rightful leader of ORB walked out of the ORB parliament meeting room briskly. Her loyal bodyguard, Ledonil Kisaka followed closely. She kept her gaze on the road and didn't speak a word along the corridor. "You've done a great job in controlling the situation now." Kisaka commented and that earned him a smile from her, a tired one. "I don't want to be pushed around anymore." She spoke tiredly. "But thank you for your compliment."

They arrived at her private office shortly and she pushed the door open. She sat on the chair behind her desk and sighed heavily. She closed her eyes and leaned back against the chair. "You need to take some rest." Kisaka advised. She shook her head. "I need to finished some paper. That meeting was unpredictable, I thought we could finish by noon but I was wrong." She smiled an assuring smile at Kisaka and he knew that he couldn't change her mind at that time knowing how stubborn she was. "Fine, but remember don't overwork yourself. I don't like the idea of having Kira Yamato confronting me about the method I used to take care of you." Cagalli glared a bit at him. "I'm not someone he should be worried of. Tell him that." She stated with a smile. Kisaka smiled knowingly and bowed then walked out of the room, closing the big door after he stepped out of the room.

Cagalli looked at the documents in front of her and took a file then examined it. She yawned and after few hours scanning the document her body gave up and she fell a sleep on the desk with her head on her folded hands.

Few hours later (It's already dawn),

A soft sound of door's knob being turned could be heard inside Cagalli's private office but the princess couldn't hear the sound. A young man entered the room and smiled upon seeing the princess sleeping on the desk but his smiled was replaced by a worried expression. He walked slowly toward her, his eyes never left her. Slowly but firmly, he lifted her up into his arm and carried her gently bridal style. "You are getting lighter, Cagalli." He spoke softly and carried her out of the room. His destination was her bedroom.

Another young man was waiting outside for him. "I'm going to take her to her bed, Kira. I can postpone the conversation for a while." He gave some explanation to the other young man, Kira Yamato, Cagalli's twin brother. Kira smiled and gently brushed some hair from her forehead and touched her cheek gently. "It's up to you, Athrun. Though I'm not very sure she'll have time tomorrow." Athrun, the man who carried Cagalli only gave Kira a smile. "Don't worry I have the patience." Kira sighed and nodded. "I'll wait for you and we can return to the beach house together." Athrun nodded and then walked down the corridor carrying Cagalli in his arms.

The maid smiled knowingly seeing Athrun carrying their leader in his arms. He tried hard not to blush. He stooped right in front her bedroom's door and wondered how would he open the door with Cagalli in his arms. Luckily, a maid came in time and opened the door for him and also turned on the light for him. He thanked the maid and she excused herself.

He turned to look at Cagalli's sleeping form. He used to see her sleeping in the past when he was still her bodyguard and sometimes she slept with tears on her face. He sat on the edge of the bed beside her, and gently brushed his fingers against her cheek. He noticed tiredness on her face and smiled sadly, mentally telling him that partly it was his fault for making her this depressed. His thumb caressed her cheek gently. "I'm sorry, Cagalli." He spoke softly and let go of his hand from her cheek when she rolled on the bed so her back was facing him now.

He was about to got up from her bed… "Why are you apologizing?" Cagalli's husky voice startled him. "You're awake?" Athrun sat down again. "I've been awake since you entered this room." She explained plainly. "Thank you for carrying me to this room." She continued.

Athrun kept quiet not knowing what to say or what to do. And the uncomfortable silence continued for a few minutes until Cagalli finally broke the silence. "Why are you apologizing?" She re-asked her previous question. Athrun reluctantly answered. "Because… I never apologized properly to you before."

_To be continued…_

Well? How about the first part? It's just the beginning. I already wrote the second part but I don't want to post it so soon. I've already watched Gundam Seed Destiny and also the final phase and I felt so upset with the progress of AsuCaga relationship.

The second part will be posted soon.

aoi-yuuhi 04-05-2006


	2. Bokutachi no Kanashimi

**Kimi to Boku wa Todokanai Omoi**

(You and I, Unfulfilled Feelings)

Disclaimer: I do not own Gundam Seed or Gundam Seed Destiny or the characters. Oh… how do I wish I own AsuCaga though… and I do not own the title too, it belongs to Toshihiko Sahashi-san and See-Saw.

Before I begin with the story, I'd like to thank some reviewers:

**Cari-Akira**: Thank you! I am so happy to know that my first story is nice. But I'm not really sure that you're going to like the second part. (You'll understand what I mean. Soon…)

**Freyris**: Here's the update. Sorry I didn't have time to upload the second chapter until now. Otanoshimi kudasai!

**cremosia**: Updated! I took Cagalli's characteristic from the final phase where she was hugged by Athrun when they parted. She seemed calm and fragile at the same time. But I might got wrong interpretation. I missed Seed's Cagalli but I loved Destiny's Cagalli.

**daisukiasu'n'caga**: Updated! Updated! Thank you. I love your story a lot. Thank you again for reviewing.

**yumi-chocoluver**: Agree with you. I'm hoping the 3rd series also. But I don't want Fukuda to be the director anymore. Please anyone but him. And hey I heard the manga (the edge) is better then the series. Have you heard or read before? I really want to buy the manga. Enjoy the second chapter.

**eleanor tinuviel**: Thank you for telling me my error. I hate grammar, a lot, since junior high school. But in order to make a better fics, I need to improve my English. Hopefully the next fics I make will be better than this one. And I'm sure this chapter will have much more grammatical error than the previous chapter. Please tell me?

**gseedlover**: Sorry, I was late. Homework, homework, homework, school, school, school, etc. I wish I could just run away from it.

**MiyuCagalli**: Please after you read this fics, don't be disappointed. There'll be an announcement in the end of the fic.

**thousandbirds**: Thank you very much for reviewing.

Okay, please enjoy the second part of 'Kimi to Boku wa Todokanai Omoi'.

Otanoshimi kudasai!

_Previous chapter: _

"_Why are you apologizing?" She re-asked her previous question. Athrun reluctantly answered. "Because… I never apologized properly to you before."_

**Chapter 2**

**Bokutachi no Kanashimi**

**(Our sadness)**

A long sighed from Cagalli stopped Athrun from talking more. She got up slowly from her position and sat on her bed with her leg bent to her chest. She still didn't look at Athrun and seemed like avoiding his gaze. "There's no need to apologize. No one was at fault right? It was a war, Athrun. And I had to admit that I was acting impulsive back then. I don't blame you and will never blame you. You've helped me so much. More than I asked. Thank you for protecting ORB." There was an unnoticeable sadness in her voice.

Athrun stared at her silently. He knew that it was no use to keep on apologizing to her and decided to ask a question he was planning on asking her in the beginning. "Cagalli… why did you take off the ring and asked Meyrin to take care of me?" Cagalli seemed to be shocked for a while but quickly returned to normal. She kept quiet with eyes cast downward. Athrun watched her every move. "I never got any explanation from you." He added carefully.

Cagalli closed her eyes for a while then looked at him. She stared at Athrun's green pool.

"I don't know either, Athrun." She smiled sadly and ran a hand through her hair. Athrun knew it was one of her habit when she was frustrated that she didn't get the answer she wanted.

Athrun waited for her to continue. Her eyes now looked down to the bed sheet. "I just felt that it was better for everyone. She, Ms. Hawke… she loves you and she definitely will take care of you even without my request. Because…you see Athrun, I can't do it anymore."

Athrun frowned a little. "Which one it is? Taking care of me or loving me?" His voice sounded upset. Cagalli's shoulder stiffened and she knew that she couldn't lie to him. She had to but she just couldn't.

"Perhaps both…" She stopped for a while thinking whether she should continued her words. "I don't even sure that we did fall in love, Athrun… " Her voice was clear though it wavered a bit.

"What do you mean?" Athrun asked.

She took a deep breath. "I don't know when did this uncertainty flowed into my mind, Athrun…Perhaps we didn't have the feelings that we thought we had for each other… Perhaps it's just…" Cagalli sighed. "We just got close for we were facing the same problem and that we have the same feeling to stop the war… urgh… I don't know, Athrun. I'm confused." Cagalli hold her knees tightly and placed her head on her knees.

Athrun diverted his gaze elsewhere and thought hard.

"Those uncertainties then became jealousy when I saw you with her… when I noticed how you cared for her. And that was when I decided to take off the ring. I'm sorry, Athrun. I'm sorry." Athrun turned to look at the girl beside him. Unconsciously, he felt relieved knowing the fact that she was actually jealous. He knew that it was not the end of her explanation and that she had another fear regarding their relationship and her position. But he didn't want her to say those things, for he knew it was going to hurt her and him eventually.

He thought for a while and decided to just follow his heart as he pulled her closer and embraced her gently. She didn't expect that embrace to come and indeed, she was shocked but she didn't do anything to push him away. Athrun's strong arms encircled her body. He placed his head on top of her head. "Cagalli, listen. I don't know how to erase those uncertainties from your mind and heart because I had experienced the same feeling in the past when you are with… you know… Yuuna Roma Seiran." Athrun paused. Cagalli reacted a bit at the mention of Yuuna Roma Seiran's name. "I was jealous, yes and at the same time felt inferior. Because compared with him, I'm nobody. I was just a person by the name Alex Dino who worked to protect representative Attha of ORB." Cagalli was about to push Athrun and said something but he stopped her. "But Cagalli, I'd never kissed a girl, gave her a ring and hold her like this in my arms just because… she is a war comrade, a partner to stop the war and that she had the same hope as mine to stop the war. No, you're wrong, Cagalli… I never once think like that." His voice sounded firm but gentle at the same time.

He paused again. Cagalli didn't try to push him anymore. "About Meyrin, I had to admit that I was having a moment of doubtness for a while. I didn't want to hurt her, all because she is a friend, she is still young and she was willing to help me in anyway. She saved me, endangering her own life. I couldn't bring myself to hurt her in anyway. I met a girl few years ago, she risked her life to save me also and I fell in love with her. Just because there's another girl risking her life for me again doesn't mean that I'd fall for that girl."

Cagalli listened to his words quietly knowing he was talking about her.

It was rare in Athrun's knowledge that she was quiet when listening to someone's explanation and he knew that she had changed during his absence in ORB, too much that it made him missed the fiery Cagalli.

He dismissed the thought and continued. "But in the end I have to tell Meyrin and I already did. My feelings for her was never more than a responsibility, a responsibility to take care of her, to return her safely to her family, to her sister. Because I've made her hurt."

Athrun tightened his hold around Cagalli's body as if asking for an understanding from the girl in his arms. "Cagalli, I'm sorry." He whispered on her ear. Cagalli's eyes widened for a while and she slowly returned his embrace. He smiled feeling her returning his embrace.

After a long silence, still in Athrun's embrace, Cagalli spoke softly. "Thank you for explaining everything to me Athrun… But I can't…I can't hurt you more than I already did… My responsibility, my loyalty to ORB will always be the first in my life. I had to let you go… " Her voice became more huskier as she tried to hold her emotion inside. Athrun knew this was going to come and he closed his eyes. They were quiet, enjoying each other embrace.

"You have decided." It was a plain statement came from Athrun.

"Yes" Cagalli gave a soft whisper. "I wish I were not an Attha and you were not Zala. I wish I were just an ordinary girl. I wish…I could just be selfish." She murmured softly against his shirt.

Athrun slowly let go of his hold around her body. He let out a small sigh. His eyes settled on her golden orbs. There were indescribable emotion and words in her eyes. The same emotion and words he held since the beginning of the conversation. He was about to ask her something but he stopped and smiled at her gently. His fingers found its way to her cheek. She only held onto his sleeves as he caressed her cheek.

"Whenever you need me, I'll be happy to help you. You know how to contact me and I'm sure Lacus wouldn't mind if I came here to help you." Athrun bent down and placed a soft kiss on her cheek, a friendly kiss. She didn't protest. He walked away toward the door and stopped right in front of the door with his hand on the doorknob.

"I just want you to know one thing, Cagalli… I still love you and will always do. Forever." He opened the door and closed it without looking at her.

* * *

Outside Cagalli's bedroom,

Athrun still had his hand attached to the doorknob. He stared at the door few seconds before making his way down the corridor of Attha's palace. Kira was waiting for him down the stairs and Athrun apologized for coming late. Kira knew something had happened but he didn't push Athrun for an answer. They got into the car quietly. Kira drove silently.

"I've talked to her." Athrun spoke. Kira kept quiet. "She changed a lot during this one year when I wasn't beside her... I have lost her, Kira."

Few minutes passed without any conversation from Athrun and Kira.

"I've made her cry again, Kira." Athrun closed his face with his left hand.

Kira didn't say a word for a while and Kira kept his eyes focus on the road.

"You haven't lost her yet, Athrun. She is still there, hiding herself." Kira spoke again and Athrun kept silent. The car strolled down the road smoothly. Athrun stared blankly to the sea and let his thought wandered toward a certain blonde princess.

* * *

Back to Cagalli,

Cagalli stared at the closed door, letting Athrun's words seeped into her heart. She closed her eyes momentarily and got up from her bed. She opened her eyes and walked toward her desk to open the drawer and took out a silver ring. Her gaze settled on the ring as her recalled some memories about her and Athrun.

"I've decided for both of us. But no matter what choice I took, I always ended up hurting you, Athrun… I'm sorry…" Cagalli hold the ring close to her chest and fell on her knees.

Tears began to roll down her cheek. "I… love … you…" She whispered painfully and began to sob uncontrollably on the floor. All her pain she was holding up until now, flowed along with her tears. Her pain of letting him go, her pain of hurting him, and the biggest of all, her pain of not being able to be with him. She cried, hoping that it could help her, even just a bit. But she knew it was useless, the pain will always be in her heart as long as she denied her feeling for Athrun.

**Fin**

_(for now…)_

Background music: Tsubasa Chronicle's 'kaze no machi he' and Mika Nakashima's 'find the way'

Phewww! Finally the end…

Please, please, please don't be angry with me? I didn't say that I was going to let this fic just ended like this… I have planned to write some fics to end this fic completely. I have already got two titles but got stuck in how to start those fics. I knew I had to put Kira, Meyrin, Shinn and Lacus in it but didn't know how to get started. And I really need to improve my English before I begin with new story. I'll try my best to post next story in three weeks or before the final test came, which is on August. Also, I might repost this fics with some revision.

And oh yeah, about the next story, should I post it as new story or as new chapter? Tell me about your thoughts. Thank you.

I'm sorry for grammar error and others. Thank you for reading and reviewing.

aoi-yuuhi 04-05-2006


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